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Do you find your relationships harmonious and satisfying? Do you trust others? Can they trust you? Can you accomplish what you want without offending others? Do you find yourself giving up your wishes to "keep the peace" and then getting frustrated later? Do you often feel misunderstood or left out?
All of these questions are based on the tendencies of different personality types as expressed and explained by the Enneagram.
The Enneagram is a numerical system symbolized by a circle with nine points connected in a distinctive pattern of intersecting lines. While the Enneagram has been around for centuries, it is only in the last hundred years or so that it has been applied to understanding different personality types.
Nine paths to better understanding ourselves and others
The Enneagram represents a dynamic map that reveals the different ways we organize experience and find meaning in our lives. It describes nine distinct patterns of attitude and behavior and reveals the underlying motivations for why we think and behave the way we do.
What makes the Enneagram a system is the predictable pattern of movement that occurs between the points on the circle when we feel threatened. When we feel under attack, our motivations change and we stop thinking, feeling, and acting the way we do under normal circumstances. Instead, we take on the characteristics of another point on the circle... We literally take on a different point of view. One goes to Four, and starts looking and sounding like a Four. Four goes to Two, Two goes to Eight, Eight goes to Five, and so on.
While all of us are unique individuals, we each exhibit similar behaviors and say similar things. However, these words and actions don't necessarily mean the same things to each of us. Our underlying motivations, perceptions, understandings, and beliefs are very different and can depend a great deal on the tendencies of our particular personalities.
By gaining insight and understanding about what underlies our own and others' words and deeds, we have a much better chance of interacting positively with others and making sure our own needs are met.
The knowledge of the different personality styles of the Enneagram helps formulate a foundation for a better understanding of ourselves. But more than this, understanding the Enneagram can help us experience healthier relationships by understanding the perspectives and needs of those we care about.
How using the Enneagram in therapy can help
People seek professional therapy for numerous reasons, but usually it is because internal feelings or external events cause ongoing emotional discomfort or anguish.
The Enneagram is not a therapeutic model in and of itself, but it can be beneficially applied to therapy for several reasons:
1. It helps understand why you may be facing the difficulties you experience.
2. It can be comforting to know you're not alone and that others who share a similar personality likely experience similar issues.
3. Once you understand that numerous equally valid viewpoints and perspectives on life exist, you can free yourself from the frustration of expecting others to be like you.
4. The Enneagram provides a path to healing and growth based on the simple concept of objective self-observation.
Once you and your therapist have had a chance to discuss what brings you to therapy, your therapist and you can use the Enneagram to help ascertain what personality type and subtype you have.
Once your type and subtype are determined, the Enneagram can help locate and recognize the thoughts and behaviors you have that are beneficial and detrimental in your life.
For example, if you have thoughts and behaviors that have become compulsive or addictive, these make up what is known as the "trance" for a given Enneagram type. If you've found yourself fighting with a loved one in the same way over and over again, it is because you are operating from a "trance" state.
As unhelpful thoughts and behaviors are acknowledged, you can work with your therapist to incorporate new truths into your life that you can use to enact more beneficial beliefs and behaviors.
For example, using the Enneagram can help couples in therapy to see their own and each others' trances, find ways of overcoming them, and create healthier more joyous ways of interacting and experiencing life together.
In short, using the Enneagram in conjunction with therapy can help you better understand your motivations as well as those of others, recognize underlying patterns of behavior and appreciate your defenses in a compassionate light, and make vague perceptions and abstract concepts concrete so they can be discussed, acknowledged, worked with, and used to create change, achieve your goals, and experience all the joy life has to offer.
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